Monday, August 20, 2007

7DP5DT

I still refuse to POAS. Mostly because I am terrified of ending what last shred of hope I may have. We debated about it for about an hour last night, whether we should do it this morning or not. Ended up in the "not" category, even though the test should be about 90% accurate at this point if I use a FMU (first morning urine).

I didn't really have any compelling symptoms yesterday, and I am totally freaked out that my bb's are not getting sore/itchy like the last time. I will say, sadly, I am not holding out too much hope at this point. We have already decided to save the 4 embryos that are in cryopreservation and move forward with a fresh cycle next. I want to KEEP those good embryos and keep making more. I know I am capable of producing alot of eggs and embryos. In case we need to move on to a gestational surrogate if a couple more times proves that I cannot get or keep a pregnancy, I want to make sure I have enough good embryos for that option. It seems emotionally devastating to say that. But in the end I guess I should just be thankful that DH and I make good embryos together, and that we have the money to be able to pursue other options, like surrogacy, if we have to.

It's still hard. I want to move on but now it's getting scarier. Like, why isn't this working?

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