Saturday, October 27, 2007

i guess that was implantation spotting?

i poas x2 today, and both were +. i used a digital and a line test. the line started out dark the same as the control. i went back to bed, left the test out and hours later it was lighter. anyway, i had to do it early (like 5 am) because i was in so much pain i was actually having dreams about peeing. i then went back to bed and had really no reaction or emotion about it. my husband woke up and asked me, "well?" and i just said "oh, they're positive."

i just feel numb and worried. sorry if i seem like a jerk, and i realize this is a good thing but having been down this road twice before with bad results, i think i just feel like once again, i have alot to lose. i have official beta tomorrow. i am going to insist on another beta tuesday and then on friday. i want to follow this one so i know if it is falling. in a way, i guess it's good that i don't think it's real. maybe i'll be less hurt if it doesn't work out.

i did sleep 12 hours today though i do love rainy saturdays.

4 comments:

Mommy Someday said...

Fingers crossed for you!!!!

Kristen said...

YAY!!! GREAT NEWS!!!

I hope a happy and healthy 9 months are in store for you :)

bleu said...

I am so very thrilled for you. I totally understand what you are feeling, happy and terrified and irritated that you feel that way. But I will jump up and down for you and be giddy for you until you get to a place that you can. (Just know I may ask the same some day of you lol)

Here is a link to some great relaxation audio recordings I listened to last them that helped a lot. The Pregnancy one of course.

http://members.kaiserpermanente.org/redirects/listen/

Congrats again hun.

Rebecca said...

YES! I'm so happy it was positive!!!

I know how hesitant you are, and I think it's totally normal with what you've been through that you would feel this way. Don't beat yourself for protecting your heart. Like bleu said, I'll jump up and down and be giddy for you too...and hopefully your betas will rise and you can join in the celebration! I know you must be very doubtful right now, and that's fine. You have every right to feel the way you feel. I hope that soon you can get the news that lets you relax and celebrate and enjoy a successful pregnancy!

*quiet congratulations*...I'm sending sticky dust by the truckload! Love ya!